(no subject)

[cosmic_llin]

Off to Russia again early on Wednesday morning. I am now in the excited/panicky/ambivalent stage of preparation. Excited because I love it there, panicky because there's too much to do before I leave, ambivalent because I'll miss carawj.



For those interested who don't already know, this will be my seventh visit to Russia, and my fifth to Kitezh. Kitezh is a therapeutic community of families where children from state orphanages are fostered, educated and rehabilitated. I volunteered there as an English teacher for several months during my year abroad for uni, and I've been going back for a few weeks once a year ever since. Partly because, when I told the kids near the end of my first stay that I'd come back and visit them again, they said: no you won't, they all say that and then they never do. (Ask me some other time about my Complicated Feelings when it comes to overseas volunteers and children's charity projects). And partly because I love being there - many of the people there are good friends, I feel calmer when I'm there, it's one of the places that has helped me most to learn about myself, and it's amazing to see the work they do with the kids there, especially over a timescale of several years.

This time is going to be a little different though, as it's a reunion of volunteers from previous years, some of whom were last there quite some time ago. I think it's about a dozen people, all told, which when you consider they've been hosting foreign volunteers for many years, at a rate of up to a dozen easily per year sometimes, is not really that many, but then going to Kitezh is really an expensive and complex undertaking, which I know from experience as I spend half of most years planning and paying for it. Anyway, I'm excited to meet other volunteers and find out what kind of celebrations and shenanigans are in store, but I'm also a little sad not to be having a normal visit. Although I'm staying for a few days after the reunion fortnight, which should be nice.

I'm also excited because this time I get the added treat of a visit to St Petersburg at the end, with carawj! I studied in Petersburg (Piter, as the locals call it) for the winter semester of my year abroad, and I had a wonderful time, but I haven't had the opportunity to go back since. I'm psyched to see it again, but I'm especially thrilled to be able to share it with carawj. I've been planning our itinerary for months, but there's no way I can possibly cram everything into the few days we have there.

Which sort of brings me, tangentially, to one of the only sad (well... disappointing) bits about my visit. Russians typically marry very young, straight from uni or before, often, and every time I go back the kids are increasingly concerned that I'm not married yet and don't have a boyfriend. I wish I could tell them about carawj, but anyone who saw the recent pictures from Moscow Pride will know why that is perhaps not a good idea. I worry that if there were strong objections to my sexuality I just wouldn't be allowed back. And it's not that I mind being taken for an independent single woman, or whatever, but it's no fun missing carawj and not being able to talk to anyone about it! I'd like to be out to everyone in my life but it's just not practical, which leads to added complications and keeping secrets and being careful on Facebook which is annoying.

Sometimes I wonder if it's going to be one of those situations where it turns out I'm making a fuss about nothing. My coming-outs often seem to go the opposite of how I would expect. And the people in Kitezh do tend to be more liberal than Russians generally, but on the other hand they're still quite old-fashioned about gender roles sometimes. With the climate in Russia being what it is... eh.

Anyway, that's only a minor moan, really. I'm still very excited about the whole thing! Now I just need to somehow get through the mahusive list of things I need to do before I go... and figure out how to get to the airport at stupid-o-clock in the morning...

Comments

[elder-goddess.livejournal.com]

Dude. You outed yourself to yourself - that's the only part that really matters, when you come right down to it :-) Most of the people in the world are wrong about most things most of the time, so the sanest thing to do is ignore them where possible and pull the wool over their eyes whenever your personal safety, freedom, comfort or happiness might be threatened by their wrongness/cultural toxicity/Iggernce. Just saying...

[cosmic-llin.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's true. :) It's just an extra hassle, but you're very right!

[elder-goddess.livejournal.com]

Often being 'very right' is one of the advantages of being a crone :P

[aerialsky.livejournal.com]

Hey.

I've had mixed experiences with homophobia in Moscow.

On the one hand, when you meet (in my case usually the younger generation) on a one to one basis you can gauge what the deal is and decide whether you can talk about queerness or (woah!) being queer yourself. I have met people who are very open and accepting of all sexualities, both straight and gay/other sexuality themselves. I have lesbian friends and have been to lesbian clubs... so I have had some positive experiences here.

I have even had some of my students (both teens and adults) in class at least defend homosexuality to some extent and express an, at best, neutral opinion towards it as a topic. I've not had any pro-homosexuality students yet, nor any out gay students.

Then, sadly, I have to witness the classic "gay as insult" teenage banter, intense embarrassment at any mention of gayness etc. Still, that's pretty much par for the course in the UK right?

Then, worst of all, I've had to sit through mini-homophobe-monologues from some of my adult students in classes when it has come up in conversations. All the "it's morraly wrong, disgusting, should be banned" stuff.. which I have to reply to with: "well, everyone has their own differing opinions on this topic" and try and move on as quickly as possible. I haven't taken on the mantle of de-homophobing Russia I have to admit.

Basically, as you know, Russia is a very mixed up place where everything is black or white and people stand strongly by their own opinions so you hear a lot of interesting things. Like one of my friends here who I met through my lesbian friend was like "Yeah, I know our friend is gay and I like her, but... as a group I hate gay people" or "Gay people should just stay quiet, I mean, I don't mind what they do at home but just don't stick it in my face. Ever."

Just yesterday, one of my adult students was fretting because he'd heard the Brighton is a "gay town" and he was going to study there! I had to tell him that it wasn't a town populated 100% with gay people (woes!) and that it was a beautiful, vibrant, cultural city that is definitely worth visiting.

Also, this is Moscow I guess so reasonably open and cosmopolitan... I don't know if it is the same for Kitezh?!

Anyway, I guess the same rule applies generally about coming out in the UK. Just gauge the person and tell them if you want. If they are your friend, it should be OK. :)

Also, I totally agree with elder_goddess: "Most of the people in the world are wrong about most things most of the time" Absolutely true! Do your own thing! :D

[cosmic-llin.livejournal.com]

Thanks, that's all useful to know! Yeah, the thing about Kitezh is that the people there are mostly more liberal/accepting/open-minded than your average Russian, but it's still difficult to tell what will be ok and what won't. Plus there are a few members of the community who I feel almost sure would not be ok with it - particularly one woman, who although she is a very loving and wonderful person, believes that How To Train Your Dragon is an evil film because it will make children want to be friends with dragons instead of people... Some of the people I'm closest to I think might be ok with it, but it's such a small community that you can't really keep a secret.

Having said that, I think the kids get influenced a lot by Western media, which helps in some ways. I was watching Glee with the kids last year, and one of them was confused about how Rachel has two dads. So I started on my spiel about how they loved each other and decided to have a child and etc, and she just went 'oh, they're gay. ok.' and carried on watching like it wasn't even a thing.

[lorelaisquared.livejournal.com]

Oh yay! I forgot your trip is SO soon! I hope you have an absolutely wonderful time. I hope the reunion goes well and you and carawj have a blast in St. Petersburg. It's always great to share a place you love with a person you love :)

It does sound like a great community despite the fact that you feel you can't openly be yourself there (*hugs*). I have a friend who's faced a similar situation this past year. She and her partner got married last June and then promptly move to Taiwan to teach. Unfortunately in Taiwan they have very different views on sexuality than they do in the western world and she and her wife have had to keep their marriage and relationship a secret from everyone they know there which I know has been very hard. But if anyone found out they could actually lose their jobs and stuff. It means that she doesn't interact online much anymore because she's worried about people seeing things and I think it's sad because she and her partner are such amazingly wonderful people and they spent so much time apart before they got married that it's a shame they've faced such strain in their first year of marriage. They seem to be surviving though. They're both strong people and they aren't planning to stay there forever so hopefully they'll soon be able to lead the life they both want. It just saddens me that there are parts of the world where people can't openly be who they are.

Anyway, enough sad talk. You're going to Russia YAY! :)

[cosmic-llin.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks! :)

Aww, that must be so difficult for them. :(