December Talking #2

[cosmic_llin]

raven said: If you don't mind talking about it, how's married life?

I don't mind talking about it! (And actually, yesterday was our three-month-iversary, so it seems like a nice time to talk about it.) So far it's, in some ways, exactly what I expected - that is, just the same as it was before. We were already living together and we already knew we wanted to spend our lives together, so getting married was more an affirmation of where we already were than a step into something new.

And yet, it is a tiny bit different. Just in small ways. Like, I like the word 'wife' better than any of the other words we've used to describe our relationship. I do like 'partner' for its simplicity but it's just ambiguous enough to lead to awkward misinterpretations, and you'd think 'girlfriend' would be fairly obvious but the amount of times I've talked about 'my girlfriend' and had people go 'oh, so what does your... friend do?' etc. And 'fiancée' always led to: 'what's his name?' 'her name is Cara...' and then the OTT gushing about how wonderful that is and isn't it nice that you can do that now, which I don't mind because it's well-intentioned but it does get a bit embarrassing. As a word, 'wife' is unambiguous and implies permanence, both of which, for our relationship, I like. And it's just kind of fun to say.

Changing my name has been an interesting experience too. I took Cara's surname for a variety of reasons, and although it's weird to get used to, I'm quite enjoying it. I'm less enjoying the hassle changing it caused with my work email address/log-ins being messed up, and I'm quite put out by the people noticing the change and asking "oh, did you marry someone Welsh?" when I was Welsh all along and Cara, in spite of having a very Welsh-sounding surname, is barely even a tiny bit Welsh. But I like the balance it gives my name - my first name is Welsh to the point of being unpronounceable for some people, and I mostly use my middle name for simplicity, but having a more Welsh last name makes me feel better about that in a weird way. (I'm keeping my original full name for writing, though.)

In terms of how day-to-day married life has been, like I said, pretty much the same as it was before. Although with added work stress for both of us for various reasons, but minus wedding planning and nerves. I miss the wedding planning a little bit, but mostly I'm relieved that it's done. I miss the actual wedding more - it was such a wonderful day full of people we love and who love us, and it felt really special. Some people who follow me on here know that I haven't had the best track record with family members accepting my relationship/identity, and although I don't need anyone's approval to be with Cara, it felt wonderful to know how much support and love surrounds us. The thing that's made married life noticeably different so far is I'm still feeling the ripples from that day, remembering how happy it was and how kind everyone was to us.

And of course Cara herself is as perfect as ever, and a constant delight, and I'm so excited to see where we go next.

Comments

[raven]

Oh, this is lovely, and thank you! I love hearing people talk about these things. <3 <3

[cosmic_llin]

Thank you! I kind of love talking about it. ;) How are you guys getting on?

[brin_bellway]

our three-month-iversary

Third lunaversary.

(Or at least, that's what my parents always called it. Back when we could afford it we used to go out to eat on the 2nd of every month to celebrate. Sometimes, during the wait for the food to arrive, we would even work out exactly how many months it had been. (Let's see...240, 264, 270. Ooh, a round number, I should let them know.))

As for your own marriage, glad it's going well.

[cosmic_llin]

Aww, that's cute, I might start using that!

That sounds like a lovely tradition. :)

[st_aurafina]

Yay for you! I'm so glad it's all going well.

[cosmic_llin]

Thank you! :D

[narrativian]

I've always liked our Irish way of referring to a female bedmate as the missus, whether married or no - and yes, that can be nicely subverted too FWIW )a friend of mine back home who is M/M got into a serious relationship and referred to himself as 'his missus'). 'Wife' is good though too. As is 'spouse'. One spouse, two spice :D

[cosmic_llin]

That is kind of nice! :)

Spouse is really an ideal gender-neutral option without too much baggage, but whenever I hear it I just think that it should be a type of fish.

[narrativian]

Bwahahaha! Or maybe a relative of the elk. A very small relative of the elk, that dwells indoors. In spouse-holes.

(I have no idea how I missed replying to this! Possibly the brain-burn caused by multiple abscess horrors. Surely not...)

[livii.livejournal.com]

This is really sweet! Enjoyed reading it.

[cosmic-llin.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you! :)